The impossible wish.

Is the most impossible thing this? He who sees beyond a tower of assumptions and the deception of appearance is wise and rare. It is hard to put up a convincing front to skeptics that I am attentive and determined.

This was simpler before when I could speak and smile on command. Knowledge it seems is not enough. You also need social rituals that glues you to dear circles of friends. It is about the fun of quickly exchanged lines of politeness and fancy enquiries of the familiar and mundane.

I am capable of such concerts of chitchat but will anyone wait long enough?

You're the impossible wish come true if you can.

Yesterday

Playful banter seem to be so golden when your words are so labouriously produced with the elusive mix of time, mood, creativity, well behaved body movement and peaceful environment. I feel that though everybody walks a different path sometimes we are doomed to a life of restriction and limits.

The trick is you must not let the problems slay your hope for something better. Yes its much too easy to get jealous of others who seem to get everything they want, but I need to remember that I am already abundantly blessed. I can't be a chatterbox or an engaging being with witty lines and fun-to-make-faces-with-type guy, But I can open your eyes to a rare perspective into life and challenge your views on what you define as disability.

I am honoured to know that I am not alone in my journey with bothersome body, painfully slow typing and uphill battle to achieve my dreams. One such person who paved the way of hope was Anne Macdonald. You were such an inspiration to so many. Many of us hope we are able to continue your legacy and be a beacon of hope to others who haven't found their voices yet.

So yesterday saw the end of a journey valiantly undertaken. Today we will continue ours with the same kind of courage and tenacity. So tomorrow a new generation of people who use facilitated communication can persevere and continue the revolution.

Yes yes and yes.

For the going and coming

Little by little a dream uncurls like a slinky on a really hot day. But if only things were so easy. It's more like a hammering of a very hard piece of metal or a marathon of a thousand miles, where I only want to finish not to come first place.

I come as quiet sullen young man with an elusive smile and many deep thoughts. Joy is like humming a secret song of hope yes.

Trying your best and failing is no crime, but failing to give someone a chance to try is. I am thankful for those who believe in me even though they haven't seen what I am capable of yet.

How can I explain how frustrating and hopeless and helpless it is when you can't say what you want when you want and experience the aftermath of unalterable presumptions of only a stupid boy that should be pitied.

I hope to challenge such presumptions to a duel to the death, by choosing to push my limits and shock people about what they think autism is.

So, here is my coming and going. Farewell.
The bold one-eyed pirate.

the enterprise of happiness.

understand that happiness is relative and that you really dont know how much something means to you until it shows up no more. in writing up this blog i have to use so much more energy and concentration to think and type out each letter. silly word prediction gone haywire. but i persevere. hopefully matt can find someone to fix it.

but first back to happiness topic. happiness for me means typing independence with word prediction, family being nice to each other, finishing a blog and pressing 'publish post', going to church where my friends are and working with people who look beyond my autism and see an intelligent and understanding young man inside a body marred by crabby muscles and short power cuts between my mind and my movements.

the zero is the likes of people who dont believe that these are my own words. i can think for myself and fc is my magical paintbrush that lets me create masterpieces of words and of a young man's attempt to make a mark in the world today.

hope you enjoyed my thoughts for today.

the bold one-eyed pirate

By the sea.

By the sea.
By the Bold One-Eyed Pirate

Happily strolling allowing myself to marvel at the unending sky and uneven footpath trailing along the side of the sea. I think to myself and this was my funny thought.

What if my every day’s worth of frustrations, loneliness, battles and lack of control and few chances to say how I feel were the norm and everybody else were autistic instead.

I will do everything in my power to break free from my imprisoned body of uncontrolled hand movements and freezed up muscles, but meantime bear with me while I am under construction.

Try to see me as the one with a bright mind in a body of blackouts and short circuits. Both run on separate circuits, which means if I am acting up it's really not a great indicator of my thoughts or feelings. Most of the time anyway.

Thank you my kind readers for finding time to come read my long but important thoughts for today.

I am still alive and buzzing!

Hi everybody!

I am very sorry for my lack of blogging lately. So many things have happened that I can't type fast enough even with word predictions. I am so questioning everyone around me because I need to practice my journalism interviewing skills. The neatest thing is how Matt invites all these amazing interesting people for me to chat with. Hi Stefan, Molly and show.

I think typing is so slow and I think someone should invent a machine that can read people's thoughts and type them out freshly made from my brain to yours. Wouldn't that be so cool but awkward if I thought of weird things?

I have so much more to say but I am a bit sick and tired and benedryl makes you drowsy and sleepy. I will blog again my friends

Till then, fare well.

For a piece of my mind I will give you a world.

I am finding it hard to be not normal. I think people don't understand that I have feelings too but I am not good at expressing them.

Sadness is a concentrated mass overtaking my soul. I want to fit nicely somehow somewhere but autism is a lonely existence where only the brave venture but cannot remain.

The end of the day I am left to my thoughts and normal still is a night dream. Day goes by and yet reality bites. Different mind difficult needs - my life as an outsider.

Maybe a star studded sky can forward an answer. Yes.

the key to happiness

Thank every day your loved ones.

Up it on your priorities, it's too easy to take them for granted. No one has to love you. It is a very beautiful gift beyond all the diamonds and anything we can see with our eyes.

You are a wonderful being with so much to offer. I am so blessed to be in such a caring family.

I want to take the time to say be strong be bold stand up for the people who can't stand alone and fight. The world is in dire need of heroes. I know it is easy to just focus on your own problems, but open your horizons see how blessed you rest comforted and loved you are.

Thank you my friends.

Useless till now.

Every time every one every day is looking for a place to belong.

I think it is something we are born with. I decide to tame my boring days but it's hard thing to say another word without support.

Slowly I knot another story and I underscore another small but delighted victory.

I score an audience of another kind.

Understand that my typing reason hasnt been lightly dreamt.

I am an open thinker and there is more to me than meets the eye.

The wish is this that I am talking to kings and to night oaks and sympathetic readers. Kings meaning the least burdened and the most relaxed and the most talented.

Here is a reminder fed from my heart to yours...

Believe in yourselves that you can make a contribution to the world, a smile to a stranger, that your battles and triumphs can fill someone with hope that thank you for encouragement.

So it ends up being more of a reflection.

Thanks for reading, my friends.

the end of time

you may think that my life is reasonably difficult. finding time to blog is hard and requires everyone involved to be pleasant and patient. but here i am and how do you do. it isnt easy to type under pressure the world goes much too fast i think it is a shame that i cant type by myself it would make things so much easier and i can take as much time as i need instead of waiting for mia to have a bit of free time to help me.

it saddens me that i must be economical with my words as it takes a lot of concentration to type even just one sentence. i am jealous of those who can speak it makes people stop what they are doing and listen. but this is how things are so must make the most of it.

so many thoughts run through my head probably as much as a normal person but you cant tell can you? the fact that my muscles wont do what i tell them drives everyone nuts including myself. it would be nice to be normal but autism is like black hair you just get it and thats that.

what would it be like to be you for a day? would you want to take a glimpse of mine? i think it would make you think twice about the way you view people who act weird and dont look into your eyes for they fear you would look into their chaotic minds and label them as a misshapen being.

dont judge.

we may know more than you think. my time is up.

until next time,
the bold one-eyed pirate

where is the kind of day that makes tears go away?

i wonder what it would be like if weird sounds didnt escape from my mouth and my hands stopped flapping and if i could look at people in the eye. its so hard to stop my autism from showing like hiding my toes from my shoes. i think its easy for people to forget that though i have a voice and can fc i am still not normal and like the other guy across the street who can sms and do facebook and other things.

i like the net because no one can see how hard it is for me to type and how my sister is good and giving me support. lately it has been very new and stressful starting in new schools and having new fc partners.

God help me please.

I ate too much tonight. starving myself is a hopeless idea i get into too much trouble and i feel sick anyway. i am very tired.

talk to you later, world.